Ooh dear, it's been a while since I last did any work on this site.
But I'm still as interested in Melanie as I've ever been, so a lack
of interest in her isn't the reason for the lack of updates...
I guess the first and perhaps most obvious reason is that, quite
simply, Melanie hasn't been doing much since the summer, so there
hasn't been much material to work with - despite what some people
think, the only stuff I have access to is what everyone else gets
to see on TV and in the papers and magazines. So until the
promotion for the second album and singles starts up and Melanie
starts appearing all over the place again, I doubt there'll be
much that can be added to the site.
Another reason is that I've got a bit tired of the way the site is
laid out. Basically, the site as it exists today is the slow
evolution of the original site layout, and it's reached a point
where it's just too cumbersome to work with. Plus, some parts of
the site just don't get visited much these days, but they still
have to be maintained, which takes time away from working on those
bits of the site that attract most of the visitors. So I'd like to
freeze the current site and make a completely new start. OK,
perhaps not entirely new - I'd carry over all the pics and audio
clips and so on from the old site - but as far as the site layout
and design was concerned, it'd be brand new, and it'd hopefully
make life easier when it comes to adding all the new material I
expect to be adding in the coming year.
Obviously, this isn't going to happen overnight. Even if I ignore
the lesser-visited parts of the existing site, that still leaves a
LOT of material to be restyled for the new site, so don't expect to
see big changes any time soon. Once I decide exactly how I want the
new site to look, I'll start the conversion process gradually, until
eventually all the stuff I want to bring over from the old site is
brought over. But don't worry, none of the original material is
going anywhere - as I said above I'm freezing the current site.
That means no more updates, but it doesn't mean no more access! For
as long as I have the slightest bit of interest in Melanie, the
current site will remain right where it is, and the new site will
sit alongside it.
Well, that's the plan at the moment... how it'll all work in
practice is yet to be seen! Just be patient and don't complain too
much if things end up looking a bit messy for a while (though feel
free to comment on things about the new look that you particularly
like or dislike - I don't mind criticism as long as it's
constructive and helps the site to become better).
Finally... the main reason why, for far too long, the "last update"
display was stuck firmly in the late summer of 2001. Whilst there
are some websites generated entirely by computer, most of them have
at least some human intervention, and some (like this one) are
entirely created by hand. That being the case, if the humans behind
the scenes don't feel up to working on the site, the site doesn't
get worked on, simple as that. And pretty much since September 2001
I've not felt like doing much of anything. It isn't just this site,
it's been all the pasttimes that usually fill out my spare time. I
haven't been reading as much as I'd normally do, I haven't been
watching as many films, listening to as much music, spending as much
time in flight-sims, or anything. Basically, I've been feeling just
a little bit depressed.
Career-wise, my life is all sweetness and light - I genuinely do
love my work, the office environment is relaxed and friendly and the
money isn't bad either. If only I could transfer some of this
success into my personal life... Two of my closest friends left the
UK in early December, and although their departure was something I'd
known would happen ever since they first arrived, as the date drew
closer the reality of it all started to become clearer. September
was the first time I started to feel upset about it all, and from
then on it seemed that every time I thought about them, every time
we spoke, every time we met up, all I could think about was them not
being there any more. And now that they have gone, there's an empty
feeling. My phone has less numbers in its memory, there are no more
"2pm, Leicester Square tube" entries in my diary, no more late night
train rides home to look forward to, no more spending a couple of
hours in a restaurant enjoying a meal in the company of someone
special, no more hugs...
I've never been the sort of person who has hundreds of "friends" or
acquaintances, but to compensate for that, the friends I have made
over the years have been close ones, they've all meant a lot to me.
However, whilst this may be a nice situation to be in when the
friends are around, as soon as one goes, it leaves a big gap that
takes a long time to fill. Now, whilst these friends have only left
the UK, not my life, it still feels as if they're gone. Sure, we'll
keep in touch, and we'll meet up again as we travel the globe, but
it can never be the same as living just a few miles apart, able to
meet up regularly.
Related to this is my continued, and seemingly life-long, membership
of the singles club. There has never been any one special someone
in my life, which is perhaps why I need my close friends, and as the
years go by and the number of women who've said "you're really
sweet, I just don't like you in that way" (or something along those
lines) keeps on rising, I feel more and more as if this is the way
it's meant to be. I always believed in the idea that there's
someone out there for all of us, and although I still believe it,
I'm a lot less sure about it all. As I approach the end of my time
as a 20something, still waiting to find a woman who feels something
more than just friendship for me, I find myself thinking more and
more about what it'll be like if I spend the rest of my life single,
alone, always dreaming of being able to share my life with someone
but never being able to do so for real. And I don't like what I see
in those thoughts. I used to think that, even if I were alone I
could never be lonely so long as I had friends. Now I know that
isn't true. I've got some of the best friends anyone could hope
for, people who are as close to me as anyone could get without there
being more than just friendship between us. And yet I still feel
lonely. Every night I go to sleep in an empty bed and every morning
when I wake up the only face I get to look at is the one on my alarm
clock. Every day when I get home from work, I open the door to an
empty house. Every meal I make is a meal for one. If I go to the
cinema I go alone, if I go for a walk there's no-one to hold hands
with, if I'm just stood quietly by the riverside watching a
beautiful sunset there's no-one to share it with. Friends keep on
telling me that it's only a matter of time before I meet someone,
but once you've heard it so many times it just becomes words without
meaning or substance. I want to be able to believe it, but when all
the experiences I've had in the search for love and romance have
been negative ones, believing that there's any hope of something
positive happening becomes almost impossible.
OK, so I've gone on far too long there and probably sent you all to
sleep, but I hope now you all understand why things haven't been
happening with the site. Remember, there's a human being behind the
site, and sometimes there are things going on in my life which make
me feel like updating the site isn't such a big deal anymore. I
don't enjoy feeling like that, but sometimes it can't be avoided.
Thanks to you all for being so patient whilst waiting for updates,
whilst I can't give you any dates for when things are going to
change, I can promise you that things will change sooner or later.