Gathering 8, The Untitled One

Uh-oh... I sit here looking at the pitifully small collection of notes
taken during this evenings Gathering, and I try racking my brains to
think of anything even remotely worth writing about that isn't
already listed.  Truth is, I'd have been quite happy to forget all
about this review, but since I've dropped myself in it by writing reviews 
of every other Gathering, I really have to put something down about
this one.  Hmph, this isn't going to be easy, pleasant or particularly
truthful, but needs must when the something or other, so onwards into
the breach, let slip the dogs of war and hoist the mainsail... we're
going in!


There was some concern about this Gathering prior to the actual evening,
since our recent listserver incident which knocked out half the email
accounts in Western Europe, or so it seemed at the time.  The end result
of this minor net fracas was that at least half our regular attendees
appeared not to get the announcements (or if they did, they weren't
responding to them).  So the confirmed turnout was almost the lowest
we'd ever had for a Gathering, and certainly the lowest since the
first one.  (No, not the First One, we don't know any of them).

Come 10 to seven and I get to the pub.  First problem, it's quite full,
and the music is unusually loud.  This is not a good omen.  Second
problem, Keith arrives early.  This he never does, except when he's
forgotten about the Gathering and just happens to be in the pub
anwyay (see G6 review :-).  Third problem, he hasn't brought any
peanuts with him.  On the bright (or at least less dark) side, he has
persuaded one of his work chums (Keith Two) to join him.

By about 10 past, the bar starts to quieten down a little, and we
hastily secure a decent table by the window, all the better to see
the others as they arrive, and poke fun at the people outside in
the quiet bits (more on this later).  There was some idle banter about
the recently released B5 tapes, but not a lot else.  Fortunately at
20 past, our good and dear friend Ian turned up, new Keith was
introduced, and things began to settle down just a bit.  Janet was next
to arrive, bringing us up to our total quota of regulars for the evening,
and working her morale boosting magic, she procured a packet of peanuts,
bringing to an end the nut-free period.  It also produced one of the
publically repeatable quotes of the evening:

   "Oh, Janet's got nuts..."
   


I've really no idea when she arrived, but Denise (or was it something else
beginning with D???) added to our little group, taking us up to 6.  That's
6 as in number and not 6 as in Centauri bedroom gymnastics, just in case
anyone was even remotely considering the possibility that it may have been
the latter 6 I was obliquely referring to.  I guess I really should thank
Keith One for the turnout this evening, since both Keith Two and Denise
work in the same offices as him, and were really only there because of him.
Whether they really wanted to be there at all is another matter, but since
they both stayed to the end and seemed to have a vaguely enjoyable time
anyway, I'll put them down as willing participants. (And in any case, they
were both sideline spectators at G6, so they're sort of Associate Gatherers
anyway...)


One of the delights of the Tap & Spile is it's quite remarkable range of
beers, most of which sport names that are quite, umm, interesting.  Ordering
one of the rounds of drinks therefore resulted in our next featured quote
of the evening:

   "I'll have a half of Keiths Ramrod..."

   
   
Entering into one of the less active periods of the evening, we were most
fortunate in having some amateur street theatre to amuse us.  Across the road,
a man and a woman, appearing to be having a bit of an argument.  Of course,
we couldn't hear anything, but we could see it all, and trust me, the
arm movements accompanying the verbal more than made up for the lack of
audio.  Let's see how I can best describe it...

Imagine two fishermen arguing about the size of fish they'd just caught.
One is waving his arms about horizontally, as if to say "it was THIS long",
and the other is doing the same sort of thing, but in the vertical, as if
to say "it was THIS tall".  Now, back to our street scene, and with the
woman doing the horizontal waving and the man doing the vertical waving,
it didn't take much effort before we came up with a plausible alternative
soundtrack:

Woman: "I tell you, its the WIDTH that matters!"
Man:   "And I'm telling you, it's the LENGTH"
Woman: "WIDTH!"
Man:   "LENGTH!"

etc. etc.

Naturally, this would have gotten boring after a minute or so, but
sensing that he was losing the attention of his audience, our man in the
street decides to add to his performance by kneeling down and appearing to
suggest that whether the length is up and down, or layed out on the floor,
it's the important thing.  Alas, all good things must come to an end, and
glancing across the road, our actor appeared to see us all inside the
pub taking the complete and total mick out of him, and decided that it was
time to bring down the curtain and run off down the street without even a
single encore.  Oh well, the things that amuse after a few pints...


Getting on for nine-ish, Ian's SO arrives to drag him away to celebrate
the few remaining hours of her birthday.  Whilst we admire Ian's dedication
to the cause in coming to a Gathering when it's also his SO's birthday, we
have to wonder whether dropping her into a group of slightly pissed 
strangers is such a great birthday present...


The remaining hour or so of the meeting seemed to dissolve into a blurry
haze, or was it a hazy blur?  And in either case, was it a Gaussian blur,
or just some quick and nasty blur algorithm?  But I digress, as I usually
do, so getting back onto something resembling the topic, we found ourselves
departing the place of alcohol purveyance at around the half ten mark.  Early
by the standards of most Gatherings, but this never really felt like a true
Gathering, so we can excuse the shoddy timekeeping.


Oh my, I think I might just have done it.  Why yes, I do believe I've managed
to write a nice 100-odd line review of a Gathering that by all accounts
deserved at most half a paragraph.  All those years of writing engineering
reports appears to have paid off, what better way is there to learn the 
ancient art of prose padding ;-)

So, I'll leave it at that.  A golden globe (or similar award) to the
Matrixx Gang (Denise and the Keiths - mmmm, weren't they a 70's pop group?),
for being there.  I'd also award a virtual kick up the backside to the
non-attending "regulars", except I have to take into consideration the
email problems we had.  So, since I'm in a quite good mood ATM (Brit Awards+
Spice Girls, say no more... :-), I'll let them all off.


Number Nine can't be any worse than this one, can it???  Find out in about
4 weeks time...  my digits are already firmly intertwined.


Chris

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