What does "snog" mean?

So, to answer that question:

Snog - Kiss
"I'd like to snog Melanie" = "I'd like to kiss Melanie".
Note: Snog is only an alternative to kiss in this particular context. It is NOT correct to say "the cue ball just snogged the red" instead of "the cue ball just kissed the red", although it might make snooker commentaries a bit more amusing if it were!

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Bloke - Man/Boyfriend
Depends on context. I'm a bloke (man), but I'm not a bloke (boyfriend). When Melanie commented "Thou shalt not snog your friends bloke", she was, of course, saying that "you shall not kiss your friends boyfriend". Easy, isn't it :-)

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Football - Football
That is, football to a Brit (and indeed most nationalities), means just that. Football. A game with two teams of 11 players, a round ball, rectangular goals and no body armour. However, Americans use the word to refer to their particular version of football, which the rest of the world refers to as American Football - the one with the oval ball, Y shaped goals, zebra striped referees and more body armour than a riot squad. To an American, football is soccer.

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Hard - Tough, take no nonsense from anyone
"We call her Mel 'ard cos she's WELL 'ARD!" - if you remember that comment on the Girl Power video, you may be wondering what they were on about... Being "hard" typically means being the sort of person who'd still be standing at the end of a fight. Being "well hard" means you'd still be standing even if the others in the fight were themselves "hard" :-)
'ard is simply hard pronounced without the h.

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Dishy - Cute, cool, bit of a hunk
As in "I met a rather dishy guy called Andy...". A bit like being a babe, but applied to blokes.

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Indie - Style of music as demonstrated by Blur, Oasis and others

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Pleb - Person of lower class
Officially anyway... In schoolkid terms (as in "I was a bit of a pleb at school..."), it's more a description of someone who isn't part of the "in crowd", someone who isn't cool, isn't happening, doesn't get with the programme...

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Dole - Unemployment benefit
Being "on the dole" in the UK, means to be unemployed and receiving money (known as welfare payments in some countries) from the government.

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Touch wood - Wish for luck
This originates from the superstition that touching wood will bring good luck. "But I'm the one the paparazzi don't follow. Touch wood", is Melanie's way of saying that she'd be perfectly happy if the paparazzi continued to not follow her...

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Tory - Conservative
There are several political parties in Britain, but the main two are Labour and the Conservatives (or Tories). A Tory is either someone who belongs to the Conservative Party, or someone who supports them. To describe someone from Liverpool, which has always been a pro-Labour city, as a Tory is worse, much worse, than calling them a Manchester United supporter...

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Wally - Idiot/Sad
Depends on the situation. It's a slightly friendlier way of saying "you idiot!", if someone's just done something stupid, like spill coffee all over your brand new carpet... or alternatively, it can be used to describe someone who's a bit of a saddo - perhaps our transatlantic friends might use "dweeb" in this situation.

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Taking the mickey - Lightheartedly making fun of someone
Making fun of someone for whatever reason is often not pleasant. Taking the mickey (or the mick), on the other hand, would never be classed as offensive by anyone with normal levels of tolerance and a working sense of humour.
To take the mick out of someone is esentially to use them as the basis of a joke. If someone makes a jokey reference to, say, your hairstyle, then they're taking the mick. If someone makes an attempt to mimic your accent (whether they do a good job or not), they're taking the mick.
How well this works depends on your own definition of humour, but that's another thing that varies from country to country...

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Kip - Sleep
"Having a kip" means going to sleep. Often used to describe a quick nap, as opposed to a full night's rest.

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Chuffed - Pleased/Happy
Best explained by an example of usage: "I was dead chuffed at winning that award" = "I was really pleased/happy at winning that award".
Could also be the noise a steam engine made, as it chuffed its way along the railway line... But that's getting away from the point :-)

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Dodgy - Suspicious, Weird, Strange...
E.g.: "That chair looks a bit dodgy, I reckon it'll collapse if you sit on it..."
"There's a dodgy looking bloke hanging around outside, should we call the police?"
"Hanson aren't too bad, but that MmmBop thing was really dodgy"
And so on :-)

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Gutted - Feeling of serious disappointment
Although it really means to have removed the innards from an animal (i.e. "before cooking, the fish was gutted"), it's commonly used to refer to that sort of kick in the stomach feeling you often get when you've been let down in a big way. So if, for instance, you'd arranged a date with your boy/girlfriend and they didn't turn up, you'd be gutted. Or if the football/baseball/hockey/etc. team you'd supported all your life finally reached the finals, only to lose in the dying seconds of the game, you'd probably be gutted.

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Sarnie - Sandwich
E.g. Those infamous fish paste sarnies from Spiceworld: The Movie...

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Saddo - Loser
Someone who isn't particularly cool, a bit of a geek or a nerd or whatever - e.g. Bill Gates ;-)

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Butty/Buttie - Sandwich
E.g. the equally infamous bacon butties that Mel B was forever going on about in the film...
A butty is typically a sandwich made quickly and containing a filling not usually considered as normal - bacon, chips (french fries for the Americans), crisps (potato chips :-) etc. etc. Usually you'd either take a couple of slices of bread, or a bun cut in half, slap on some butter or margarine, then pile up the bacon, chips etc. and slap the second bit of bread on top to keep it all more or less together...
For a deluxe butty, you could then pour some sauce (brown sauce is particularly good in this case, though tomato ketchup will do as well) over the filling before adding the second slice of bread. With bacon or chip butties, you could also go one stage further and add something like a fried egg on top, and make a real meal out of it.

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Knackered - Tired/worn out, Broken
Context dependent - "I'm really knackered after that run" would imply the tired/worn out translation, whereas "this TV doesn't work, it's knackered" refers to the broken one.

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Mate - Friend, Sexual partner
The former sense tends to be the one most often used when referring to humans - "going down the pub with me mates" etc. The latter is more common in things like wildlife programmes - "the lion, successful in the hunt, brings fresh meat back to his mate and their cubs", but technically it's just as correct to refer to a human partner as a mate.

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Scouser - Someone born in Liverpool
Just about every town and city in the UK has it's own name for people born there. London has Cockneys, Newcastle has Geordies, and Liverpool is no exception.

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Ickle - Small and cute
Babies are usually ickle. Puppies and kittens are usually ickle. Wasps, hornets, flies and any other annoying creatures are certainly small, but they're definitely not ickle!

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Scally - Someone who's a bit naughty, but essentially good
e.g. Calvin (Calvin & Hobbes), Bart (The Simpsons)...

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Prat - See Wally

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Stroppy - Having a bit of an attitude
Could describe someone who's being uncooperative, or who's demanding attention ahead of everyone else.

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Minging - Somewhat unpleasant
As in "minging breath". A minger is something (or when used unkindly, someone) that's minging...